tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44790203568373764752024-02-18T23:41:22.013-08:00Alaska Grandmaoktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-54532988591608253702009-11-22T01:10:00.000-08:002009-11-22T01:38:29.992-08:00A day of familyI greatly enjoy my Saturday "date" with the grandkids. Every once in a while, it gets even better when Mommy or Daddy joins us. Today it was Daddy. He hasn't tagged along in a while, so there were some changes he didn't know about.<br />Jake greets our waiter by name - "Hi Agrone (?)!" After all, he's seen him 30 or 40 times a year since he was 3. He now gets his own breakfast plate with a pancake, scrambled eggs, and 2 sausages. He doesn't eat his pancake slathered in peanut butter, cut in half, then folded in half, and dipped in a puddle of syrup on his plate. No. He wants it "like Grandma eats it", which means slathered in peanut butter, cut into bite-size pieces, covered with syrup and eaten with a fork. He's a big boy now.<br />Josh and Jordan still split a breakfast - 1 pancake eaten by hand as described above. Jordan takes all the eggs (plus some of mine), and they each have a sausage. One or the other will usually plunder additional sausage from my plate. That's OK. I don't like sausage, so it's ordered for them anyway.<br />If everyone cleans their plate, they know they get candy from the machine in the entry. They run to the seats in the lobby and wait patiently while I pay. Jake gets to put the quarter in and turn the dial, but I usually try to catch the candy. One by one, they each hold a coat pocket open for me to drop the candy in, then they can munch it all the way home. Daddy says this ritual is a little strange.<br />We got to hit Target after breakfast today. Neither of us had much of a shopping list in mind, but the kids had been promised a trip. When we pulled up Joshy said "Yay, we get to eat lunch at Target!" He was disappointed when we pointed out that we had just eaten. Apparently Daddy had promised lunch at Target before realizing that Saturday is Birch Tree day. That boy is an eating machine, and probably would have polished off another meal.<br />We had a few rounds of hide-and-seek before I headed off to see my friend Sherry. They've become excellent players. They no longer pop out before they're found, though Josh has a habit of hiding in the same place each time. He declared Jordan the "best hider".<br />The night was topped off at the movies with my son. We hadn't done that in a long time. We saw Blind Side, which was an excellent movie. I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of tears discreetly wiped away at the end, but maybe his eyes were just tired.....<br />I got an invitation to the Alaska shootout Wednesday night when OU plays Houston. I look forward to another mother/son outing. I've never gone to the game before, so I'm excited. Besides, my son-in-law and my daughter are die-hard OU fans (primarily football), and I'm sure they'll envy the fact that I'll be there.<br />All in all, a fantastic day. Then I came home to my empty apartment. Played around on the computer, and as I was putting on my jammies, I had an urge to sleep on the couch. I do that once in a while when I know I'm going to have a restless night. There's a problem with that since I quickly realized (duh) I don't have a couch. Maybe I'll work on that tomorrow. After I buy new tires. Hmmmm.....I don't know of any tire stores that sell couches. It will be a busy day.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-13364786339319792682009-11-20T16:55:00.000-08:002009-11-20T17:21:20.282-08:00I fell out of love todayThat's a sad title, but unfortunately true. <br /><br />"Mr Right" came on strong in May. He was somewhat frightening in his pursuit, but it was exciting to feel like someone wanted so badly to be with me. There were a few occasions that were almost stalkerish, but became endearing. Here I stood, the epitome of a commitmentphobe, and yet this guy was so persistent.<br /><br />Once I realized how wonderful he was, I had a hard time finding a comfortable place in the relationship. I've been self-sufficient for so long that I felt reluctant, or maybe just shy, when he would offer help in the daily struggles of life. He had struggles of his own, and would ask my opinion. I'm not accustomed to having someone turn to me for help. We had fantastically long conversations. I probably spoke more words to him in the first month than I have uttered to any one person in the last 3 years. He was an open book, and I found myself becoming the same. It was so flattering when at the end of the evening, I would have to pry him out the door. I actually had to declare a curfew so that I could get to bed at a decent hour. Yet day after day for the first 3 months, he was always there. There with/for coffee in the morning. There with/for dinner in the evening. And I never grew tired of his company.<br /><br />I've been a loner for most of my life. I lived for and through my children, and I loved every minute of it. Of course, they're independent adults with kids of their own. It's about time I find friends in my own age bracket. And yes, the idea of finally settling down with a man has its appeal. This relationship was so unlike any I had experienced before. What could go wrong?<br /><br />And then one day he didn't call. Without explanation. 2 weeks went by. And then 3. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. It had to be my fault. <br /><br />And then the texts started. "I want early morning coffee and late night movies." Seeing those words caused a physical pain in my heart, and I jumped at the chance. It wasn't the same. He was distant. He didn't say he loved me. Unless I said it first. Which I did. Over and over, hoping that it would jar something in him and bring back what we had.<br /><br />And then one day he didn't call. Once again, without explanation. 2 weeks went by before I once again read "I want early morning coffee and late night movies." <br /><br />I went to the movie. We have a dinner here and there. Neither of us says "I love you". I spent time today examining my feelings and found numbness. The man I met has never returned. The man I spend time with here and there is pleasant enough, but I don't love him. Maybe because he doesn't love me. I don't know where that man I loved went. I miss him. I miss loving. But most of all, I miss being loved.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-21049400489952041532009-02-17T17:49:00.000-08:002009-02-17T18:11:50.107-08:0095%If you were wearing a parachute and you were told that there is a 95% chance that it would open, would you jump from a 100% secure airplane? That's the question I'm asking myself after a recent conversation with the "boyfriend". We (well, I) had pretty much decided to end the relationship, but he insisted he needed to see me over the Valentine's Day weekend. I agreed and made a date to spend the day with him on Saturday. We did the usual 'date' with the grandkids. After all, I don't give that up for anyone. After we dropped them off, we did some shopping at Costco and the mall, and then came back to my place to talk.<br />He gave me a V-Day gift of Russian nesting dolls, saying they were symbolic of the depth and layers of our relationship. He told me that he's 95% committed to a relationship with me. Huh? He said he had given himself fully to his previous marriage, but now he holds a small part of himself back because he doesn't want to be hurt again. When told this information, I hadn't yet considered the parachute analogy used above, but I'm not sure how I feel about that dangling 5%. How do you hold a part of yourself back from a commitment if you are truly committed? Is that the 5% that would come back to haunt me if he found someone he could commit to 100%? <br /><br />Does that 5% represent an open window to accommodate the occasional need to sneak around with someone else? After all, our relationship hums along quite nicely, right up until he feels the need to occasionally sing a different song. The number of times he's been forgiven is becoming embarrassing to admit. No, he's not out and out "cheating". He just feels the need to maintain internet/phone-based "friendships" with other women. He's always willing to give them up and say he's sorry - if I catch him, that is. After the last incident, I gave up being his cyber-sitter and broke off the relationship. Keeping track of his internet activity is just too exhausting.<br /><br />So now the question is out there. Can I forgive him one more time? Especially if he is now willing to commit a "full" 95%? He claims that he was previously at 75%, but the fact that I walked away brought him perspective. What about the fact that he's been saying "I love you" for 4 months? Can you truly love someone that you're 75% committed to? Does "I love you" mean more now that the number is 95%? <br /><br />Who said love gets easier as you get older? I think it just gets more complicated. Few choices. The choices are damaged (myself included). Maybe it's me. Maybe I should accept his 95%, but promise only 90% in return. Now I'm just being facetious. I think.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-85834379416226793122009-02-10T19:37:00.000-08:002009-02-10T20:01:58.555-08:00Grandma - again!Sadly, my daughter has returned to OK, but the happy news is that she had an ultrasound today that confirmed she's 5 weeks along. YaY! It looks like I'll be planning a trip to OK in the fall. Thank goodness the humidity will be gone by then.<br /><br />My favorite niece has announced her wedding date as August 22, which means I'll be headed to Oregon for that. It's less expensive to fly into Seattle so I'll fly in and get a car from there. I haven't been back to Washington or Oregon for almost 10 years, so I look forward to the time there. It will be a great road trip.<br /><br />I had been hoping for a tropical vacation in May, but with these 2 trips looming, and only 2 weeks of vacation time available, I may have to put it off. It remains to be seen.<br /><br />I finally made the smart decision and dumped the boyfriend, but he's calling and being SO sweet. He'll be in town this weekend, and I know it will upset a lot of people, but I'll probably spend some time with him. It was easy to ignore him when my daughter was in town, but I'm not so steadfast when I'm on my own. Don't worry, R & R, I haven't forgotten his latest escapade. This doesn't mean I'm taking him back. It just means I'm not good at saying no to spending time with him when he's standing right in front of me. This is his last trip into town for probably 3 or 4 months, so it will be easy to cut communication once he's gone again. He called and told me that he bought something for me for V day (which I don't celebrate). He says it's something that 100% reminds him of me, so I'm really curious to see what that may be.<br /><br />For now I've got to get busy. I didn't clean house the entire time my daughter was here, so I have a lot to get done. Maybe some day something will happen in my life that's actually worth writing about.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-46347297174042493532009-02-05T22:35:00.000-08:002009-02-05T23:00:22.586-08:00Rough dayI have the greatest job imaginable, but there are some days that truly try my patience. Today just happened to be one of them. Then to top it off, we're in the middle of a blizzard. Those highly paid, but seldom correct meteorologists predicted 5 inches of snow today, followed by 3 more tonight, but there was barely a dusting this afternoon. I went from my office to my son's house for lasagna. My poor daughter was suffering from a migraine, and 3 noisy kids aren't the best match for a migraine. When we left this evening, there was a blizzard going on. We probably got 2 to 3 inches of snow in a half hour. It was a miserable drive home. <br /><br />My daughter came home and went straight to bed, so I'm sitting here watching the show she recommended - Burn Notice. It's funny. I'll probably watch again. I'm going to have to invest in a DVR. I'm becoming a TVaholic. Ugh! I can't let that happen! I haven't been to the gym since she got here. I'll have to go twice a day for a couple of weeks after she leaves. I'm planning a tropical vacation in May. I don't know where I'm going, or if anyone will be going with me, but I'm determined to go. I have a great bathing suit I bought for Hawaii, and I have to make sure it still fits.<br /><br />So far during the visit, my daughter and I have eaten sushi, great Chinese food, and an ice cream cake for her birthday. Definitely a pattern there. We gone shopping and seen a movie. Tomorrow we're swimming with the grandkids and seeing "He's just not that in to you". One of my male friends was a sneak preview and said it's fantastic. Coming from a man, it was a great review. <br /><br />My daughter leaves Monday morning, and time is moving way too fast. She has a lot to look forward to because she gets to see her best friend when she flies through Seattle, and she's having an ultrasound Tuesday to get her first look at the upcoming bundle of joy. It looks like a trip to Oklahoma is coming up around late September. Yay!!oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-79276943761837896212009-02-01T21:50:00.000-08:002009-02-01T21:56:03.692-08:00Volcanic explosion!!!Um, no. The volcano hasn't exploded. You lower - 48ers are freaking out WAY more than we are. Calm down! We're safe. We're far enough away that we won't be swept into the sea by any resulting lava flow. We may see an ash cloud, but just so you know, I survived the 1980 blast from Mt. St. Helen's in SW Washington. I was living in Portland, OR at the time. Ash has a way of entering your home from the smallest of cracks. I came home everyday and had to clean the ash off of all of my kitchen surfaces, but there were no other repercussions.<br /><br />At this point, if that volcano doesn't blow, we'll be very disappointed that it's been so much more trouble than it was worth. Blow, Redoubt, Blow!! (I'm not serious, OK?)oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-18784155414301262952009-02-01T21:38:00.000-08:002009-02-01T21:50:04.928-08:00So excited! My daughter is visiting from Oklahoma. She was supposed to fly in Tuesday, but OK got one of their typical ice storms, which delayed/canceled flights, and she was bumped to Friday. She got in at midnight, and even though she flew in to the small satellite section of the airport, it took a solid hour to get her bag. It was crazy! They kept starting the belt. Nothing would show up and then it would go off again. There were no other arriving planes, so midnight to 1:00 a.m. is a bit long to wait for a bag. She was hungry, so we had some McDonalds and headed home. She fell into bed exhausted, but I was so excited by the fact that she's here that I didn't get to sleep until almost 3. I'm not sure she's aware of that since she was surprised that I slept until 9. Oh well. <br /><br />We went to breakfast with the family. I generally take the 3 grandkids out most Saturday mornings, so it was fun having everyone there. We made a Costco trip afterward. I spent $46 on crab legs that Raychel, Rachelle and I will feast on at some point when my son isn't around to complain about the smell of cooking them. Yummy!<br /><br />While my daughter is here, I'll have to indulge in the things I don't get to do much on my own. Well, it's not that I don't do them, it's just that I always do them alone - go to a movie, have lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, go shopping at the mall. I'm also taking her out for sushi. I just had my first experience with chopsticks, so I need to get some practice in before I forget how to use them. No, it's not that I've never had sushi, it's just that this particular restaurant doesn't allow forks. They'll bring you chopsticks that are rubber-banded together, but no fork. I was forced to learn.<br /><br />I read a really good quote tonight that I need drilled into my brain. "Love isn't finding someone you can live with - it's finding someone you can't live without." That should definitely be a feeling shared by both parties.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-19506652236351499442009-01-30T10:43:00.000-08:002009-01-30T11:09:46.146-08:0025 random thingsOK, girls, I'll play along - here are 25 random things about me.<br /><br />1. I can't get enough of my family. I didn't have one growing up, so I have to try really hard not to bug them to death.<br />2. I'm wishy-washy when it comes to my boyfriend. I know he isn't good for my self-esteem, but it's like I'm addicted to him.<br />3. After my parents' multiple marriages, I have 19 "siblings" that I am likely to refer to as a brother or sister, but I doubt if they see me the same way - that whole lack of family thing, I guess.<br />4. I hate clutter, but somehow it seems to take over my life.<br />5. The inside of my car is constantly full of paper of some sort - usually work related. No matter how many times I clean it out, it just stacks up again.<br />6. I'm addicted to Diet Pepsi. I've tried numerous times to quit, but it's my only vice, except for boyfriend mentioned above.<br />7. I cry. Almost every day.<br />8. I'm so shy, or perhaps intimidated, that I can't hold conversations with people. If someone tries to engage me in conversation, I find the nearest distraction so that I can get away.<br />9. I'm lonely. Probably because of the above.<br />10. I own too many pairs of black shoes. I need some color!<br />11. I've lost 50 pounds in the last year and I want to lose 20 more. It's a struggle to keep it off, but I seem to be holding steady, so that last 20 pounds is probably here to stay.<br />12. I wish I had a better connection to my kids.<br />13. I take my grandkids on a 'date' every Saturday morning. We love our breakfast at Birch Tree!<br />14. I don't read books. I devour them. Sometimes 2 a week, but at least 1.<br />15. I've lived in 8 states, some of them more than once. I have a track record of moving an average of once a year. I've been in Anchorage for 3 years, but I'm in my 4th location. I don't know why.<br />16. I can't stand heat. Over 75 degrees? Forget it!<br />17. I want to go to Mexico in May, but I'm afraid to go alone.<br />18. I procrastinate about everything.<br />19. Like my daughter, spiders totally freak me out.<br />20. Sometimes when I walk by people, I think I know what they're feeling. Even strangers. I was once told that I'm probably an 'empath'.<br />21. I've never had a best friend.<br />22. I started drinking coffee and lattes in the last couple of months, and now I can't quit.<br />23. I eat more peanut butter and drink more milk than probably a family of 4.<br />24. If I had the money, I would never stop traveling - with frequent visits to family, of course. I can't be happy if I don't have a trip planned out in my head, but I prefer a ticket in my pocket.<br />25. I finally learned to use chopsticks on Monday.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-81223986543751716762009-01-13T23:48:00.000-08:002009-01-14T00:36:56.083-08:00Blissful weekendOur cold snap has finally ended!!! Yea! 11 straight days of below 0 temperatures, but right now, at almost 11 p.m., my thermometer reads 28 degrees. Of course that means the clouds have moved in, so it's been snowing all day, but I love the snow. <br />It was 14 degrees when I got home from work yesterday. I didn't feel like sitting around the condo, so I put Sadie on her leash and we went for a 3 mile walk. The sun goes down around 4 p.m., but it's never truly dark. The moon, the stars, and the streetlights reflect off the snow so it's easy to see far down the street. Too bad that that moose's legs blended with the trees near the hospital. I didn't know the moose was there until I was almost on top of it and Sadie started lunging at it. She pulled so hard she almost took me down. The last thing you want is to have a moose standing 5 feet from a barking, snapping dog. Moose get mad. And when they get mad, they come out kicking! I saw the moose put it's head down and I yanked the leash so hard Sadie came off her feet. I got between 2 parked cars and ducked down on top of Sadie. I'm still shocked that she never made a peep when that moose went charging by, but maybe she could feel my fear. I peeked over the car and watched the moose run into the trees. Maybe it wasn't even chasing us, but it's better to be safe than sorry. <br />My company hosted a holiday party Saturday night. Yeah, it's a bit late, but the facilities in Anchorage book up pretty quickly. When the boyfriend started talking like he wasn't going to make it to town, I boldly stated that I was going to invite my 32 year-old neighbor. Hmmmm...he booked his ticket very quickly after that. We've been seeing each other since the end of September and this is the first time he has visited me instead of me having to fly to Sitka. I like Sitka, but like all small towns, there isn't a lot to do. The fact that Sitka is an island makes it even worse because you can't even get in the car and drive somewhere to find something to do. We had a great weekend, and the party was a lot of fun! We shopped at Costco, Nordstrom, and Best Buy, which may not sound too exciting, but after all, he doesn't have anything available on the island, and I generally have to do all my shopping alone. It was something we both enjoyed.<br />We kept my Saturday date with the grandkids, and Jordy chattered away at him the whole time. The girl is absolutely smitten. She insisted on sitting by him. She wanted him to carry her every time we got out of the car. He was having fun with it, though. After lunch, instead of taking the kids home, he wanted to take them with us to shop at Fred Meyer. It was kind of cute to watch both of them.<br />We got to dress up for the party. He was wearing a fantastic suit and looked drop-dead gorgeous. I had a new dark blue satin dress. This is Alaska. There isn't a lot of opportunity to attend dress events. The buffet dinner was fantastic, which is saying a lot since I don't usually like buffets. The DJ started up at 8:30 and we never left the dance floor. Well, except when he played the 80's line dance music. It was bad enough that I danced them in an actual disco. I'm not about to get out there and do it AGAIN! <br />I got to meet his kids Sunday morning at church. All I'm going to say about that is that they're not very friendly. Nuff said.<br />He left Sunday night. When we headed for the airport, he was following me in his rental car. My car had sat outside in the freezing weather for 4 nights and 3 days. That's the only excuse I have for the fact that I tapped my brakes to slow down for a car 1/2 block in front of me that was making a right hand turn. As soon as I did, the back end started fish-tailing all over. The back end went into the adjacent lane, and when I pulled it back, the front end started crossing into the already occupied lane. I pulled it back again, and went into a spin, landing nose first in the berm. I was calm throughout the whole thing, but as soon as I got stopped, I started shaking. Luckily the truck behind me got stopped without hitting me. I started backing out of the berm just as Brian came around the back of the pickup. We stopped at a gas station not far away and he told me he had seen a car go into the berm, but didn't realize it was me. I guess it made him a bit shaky as well. My car generally gets around well on our slippery streets. <br />The one thing I've noticed since he left Sunday night is that the condo feels more lonely without him. I don't have many visitors, so having him here that long just re-emphasizes that I spend way too much time alone. We built a fire in the fireplace I've never used. We ate meals at the dining room table instead of my usual couch and TV tray. We sat around in the morning and drank coffee and read the newspaper. I've been alone for over 10 years now. I'm beginning to think that's long enough.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-21646149234365457092009-01-04T00:04:00.000-08:002009-01-04T00:31:16.416-08:00COLD in AlaskaOK, when most people think of AK, they probably wonder why I would put such a title. Because right now, it's not just COLD in AK. It's REALLY COLD. The temp hovered around 20 below most of the day. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Normal</span> temp for this time of year is about 10 degrees. That would feel downright balmy right now. Regardless, we're hearty Alaskans. We don't let a little thing like bone-chilling cold stop us from our daily activities.<br />I picked up the grandkids around 11. They're like little frozen popsicles all lined up in their car seats. The car had been running for about 10 minutes, but the heater wasn't doing much to battle the cold plastic of those car seats. We back out of the driveway, and I hear 2 year old Joshy say "Grandma?" Yeah, Joshy? "Grandma....I cold. Will it be cold at Birch Tree?" I assured him that his favorite restaurant would be toasty. The cold must have made all 3 of them extremely hungry. It is our tradition to have breakfast every Saturday morning. Sometimes they eat most of it, but most of the time, we leave quite a bit behind. 15 minutes after getting 4 pancakes with a side of peanut butter, 3 scrambled eggs, 5 slices of bacon, and 3 sausage links, the plates were spotless. They even ate the orange slices that decorated the plates. And they were still hungry!<br />Mind you, this is a restaurant we have visited regularly for the last 3 years. When we decided to top it all off with apple pie, we received a HUGE piece of pie. There was 3 scoops of chocolate ice cream on the side. (They were out of vanilla.) Who knew apple pie could taste so good with chocolate ice cream? Jaycob got his own plate full of goodness, but I shared with the other 2 by feeding them from my spoon. When I would hold the spoon up to Josh, he would open his mouth and close his eyes. The boy is hilarious, and when he opens wide like that, it's amazing how big his mouth is! (Sorry, Joshy's mom, but it's true.) His sister is another matter all together. You tell her to open wide and you can barely squeeze the spoon in, but she doesn't put a lot of effort into it. Anyway......a good time was had by all, and I guess it occasionally pays off to be a "regular". When I tried to give the ticket back to our waitress to add the pie on, she just waved it off. She got a big tip!<br />We were headed to Barnes & Noble, but I've been suffering a rib fracture for a few weeks now. Putting on coats, carrying in little ones, taking off coats, and then doing it all again was taking it's toll, so I decided to take Joshy home and just take the older ones. Great idea, but when I pulled Jordy from the car at B&N, she dug her knees right into my ribs. I think I saw stars! We went in and played Thomas the train, read Thumbelina and The Gingerbread Man, and spent some time annoying the other patrons in the "echo" chamber. We know how to have a good time!<br />When I got home, there was Sadie, dancing around the living room, making googly eyes at me because she knows she gets what she wants because she's so cute. And what she wanted was a walk in the -20 weather. OK! OK! I pull on the snow clothes and head out the door. Forgot my scarf and by the time I hit the bottom of the stairs, I knew my nose would be black with frostbite in a short time, but I persevered. I was dragging Sadie down the long, snow-covered, wooden walkway, and she does what my neighbors complain about the most. She left a long, yellow trail as she walked. I've tried over and over to explain to her that you don't do that on the walkway, but for some reason, when it's covered in snow, she doesn't seem to know it's a walkway. She generally uses her manners and never goes on the sidewalk, but I can't seem to make my neighbors understand the working (or maybe lack of working) of a dog's mind. Oh well, I'll kick snow on it when I come back up.<br />Can you believe all of this took a full day? I ended the day nursing my sore rib on the couch while watching "The Happening". The movie wasn't great, and it was interrupted with constant texts from my friend Cary, 3 phone calls, and a popcorn break, but hey! It had Mark Wahlberg in it. You can't go wrong with that.<br />Good night all! Maybe tomorrow will actually offer some excitement..........oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-22031762472530696622009-01-01T22:49:00.000-08:002009-01-01T23:10:02.531-08:00Happy New Year?Wow! It's amazing what a rollercoaster ride a day can be. After early difficulty with the 'boyfriend', and a solid resolve to bring the relationship to an end, I just couldn't go through with it. I'm such a wimp! I told him I thought we should part, but he spent the day telling me all the reasons we should be together. Argh! It was a tough day. I had a hard time motivating myself after all the drama. I didn't get up until after 8, spent a lot of time sending email back and forth, took a nap, and finally got out of my pajamas around 5.<br />The good news is that I got to spend the evening with the grandkids. Jaycob is becoming such a little man. He talks to about such adult things. We were looking around on the internet and he saw the pictures of friends on myspace. We listened to a couple of songs that my friend Ricky Robertson has recorded and placed on his page, and then he saw the boyfriend picture. He asked me if boyfriend is mean to me sometimes. Just out of the blue. Where did that come from on today of all days. I told him yes, that adults are sometimes a little mean to each other. He got really thoughtful, and asked "is he the boss of you?" I said no. He said "then you don't have to do what he says, and if he's mean, you can just tell him to be quiet". If only life were so simple!<br />Jordan was a princess all night. When that girl talks to you, her eyes literally flash with their own light. So mischievous! <br />Joshy spent the whole night snuggled up with me. When I went to the table to play with the other 2, he followed me and wanted to 'love'. He was so sad to have to go to bed. He called me downstairs 3 times - to put socks on - to say I love you - to put the sock back on that he pulled off. Sweet boy.<br />Happy New Year to all who read this. I'm hoping for some excitement this year. I've made a lot of new friends on christiancafe.com (great site for all you singles), and I should start blogging about my interaction with a lot of special people. I have new friends in New Jersey, Quebec, Houston, Oklahoma, and even a few right here in Anchorage. Of course they all know that I have someone special. I'm trustworthy, so I don't worry about leading anyone on, or that the special one will feel threatened. <br />Looking forward to a new beginning!oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-89895462115164906232008-12-31T03:40:00.000-08:002008-12-31T03:59:03.290-08:00Am I invisible?Haven't posted in a while, and I'm too lazy to go back and read previous posts to see if I'll be repeating myself. Tonight is the night that I know my heart is about to be officially broken by the one I love. I've sent him an email that I know he won't like. He gets upset when I try to talk about my feelings, so I put it down on paper - or at least an email this time to see if he can finally understand. I explained to him some insecurities I've had. He tends to add to the insecurity just as often as not, and then he ridicules me for feeling like I don't measure up. I decided tonight that it's just not healthy to live your life wondering if today's the day your heart will be shattered. <br /><br />I was having dinner with a friend the other night. He and I were discussing this whole new frontier of dating after, let's say 45, since that will include both of us. It's difficult because we now have 'baggage'. He sees his baggage in the 3 kids he's raising, and the difficult position that places him in. He's a wonderful guy. We've had lunches and dinners together a few times. He knows I'm seeing someone, but he says he needs friends to do things with. All of that was OK until he kissed me kind of out of the blue. Whoa! I've got a boyfriend, remember? He promised it wouldn't happen again. But it did. Just a couple of nights ago. I was upset over a few things that had happened with the boyfriend, who of course then immediately said that I'm just too insecure. Come on. If you go out to dinner, or to a symphony and the guy you're with spends more time checking out all of the other women, and very little time paying attention to you, wouldn't you feel a little insecure about 'measuring up'? Or is it just me? Should a man not only look at other women while in your presence, but also comment on their attire?<br />I had posed this question to my 'friend' during dinner. He found it to be rude behavior, which is exactly what I was thinking, which made me a little sad. Then he kissed me. Don't worry if you're reading this......it was completely g-rated. I was just taken by surprise. This second time he kissed me didn't offend me or set off alarms like the first time did. Maybe it's because he had just sat through dinner and a movie without once checking out the other women or commenting on what they were wearing. Maybe that's what I found so refreshing.<br />I expect to be without a boyfriend tomorrow. That's too bad since I have a company party coming up on the 10th. I was looking forward to having a date. Then again, he probably wouldn't have noticed I was there.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-82358073097840142772008-11-12T02:07:00.000-08:002008-11-12T02:36:59.630-08:00The uncertainty of distanceUgh! Public blogs! What a horrible place to air your thoughts! After all of the dating disasters, I did finally meet someone that has caught my eye. We started emailing at the end of June. I thought it was cute that he sent an email every day simply titled as the day of the week. He shared little pieces of his daily life. He was witty and funny, and definitely handsome according to his photos. Of course, I had learned that you can never trust a photo.......<br /><br />We corresponded through July and into August, and one day he sent an email saying he was coming to town and would I have lunch with him? I just tried to post a photo so that anyone reading this would understand why I wouldn't say no, but the pictures are loaded on the other computer. So I said yes......It turned out that I had the grandkids that day. All 3 of them! I didn't think it would matter. After all, the guy lives in Sitka. (If you're not familiar with AK, just look as far south down the peninsula as you can. Sitka is closer to Seattle than Anchorage.) I wasn't taking this meeting too seriously. The kids were being well behaved (thank goodness) because when that man walked in, I literally couldn't breathe. Yeah. He was handsome in his photos, but that didn't begin to describe his entrance! <br /><br />He was a bit shocked at seeing 3 kids. But he sat down and took it well. I made introductions, and this is the first time I had seen my 3 year-old granddaughter absolutely speechless. She literally didn't talk for 15 minutes, but just stared and batter her eyes at him. I tried to distract him with conversation, but her undivided attention was hard to ignore. After about 15 minutes of silence she blurts out "I love you". It came out airy and breathless. Conversation kind of stopped and I think I was holding my breath, but Brian was good about it. He just said "Wow! Thank you! That's special". Then Jordan started giggling. I was laughing, but I also recognized the fact that Jordan's taste in men is very similar to her Grandma's! Haha!<br /><br />I was too distracted to tell what we may have discussed that day. When we finished our meal, we turned the kids loose as we strolled down to the end of the mall and back talking for a half hour. Jordan announced that she had to go potty, so he took that as an opportunity to begin his departure. He asked if I would meet him the next day for a walk on the coastal trail. Heck yeah!<br /><br />I wasn't sure he would actually show up, but he called as I was pulling into the parking lot the next day and said he was just a few minutes away. I walked for about 15 minutes and then sat on a park bench overlooking the water, and 'sleeping lady'. We talked for over 2 hours. I don't know what we said. It was a blur. His blue eyes were fascinating. He was as tall as he had stated. He had claimed 48, but was actually 50. He confessed right away, and I decided it was forgiveable. When we walked back to our cars, it was a very awkward moment. We're strangers - what happens at this point? I didn't know, so I just said good-bye and walked to my car. Duh. It bothered me all afternoon. I had a feeling of uneasiness that just wouldn't go away.<br />I finally decided to text him. I sent a message saying I was uncomfortable about the way things were left. My phone immediately rang, and it was him. I couldn't bring myself to answer. I felt so foolish. He left a message saying that he had also felt the awkwardness, but that it was a good thing, because it meant we made a connection. What a nice thing to say!! That was the perfect explanation. I waited until the next day when I knew he was headed home to text him back and tell him that I was afraid it was one-sided. He came back with "Not one-sided, OK?" How sweet is that?<br />More to follow. It's 1:30 and I'm exhausted.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-81326375599676979252008-11-02T21:57:00.000-08:002008-11-02T22:38:47.286-08:00One more dating storyThis is actually a combination of 2 dates. I met both of these gentlemen (separately, of course) at Flat Top, which is a hiking area within a 20 minute drive of downtown Anchorage. The first one showed up carrying about 50 extra lbs of weight. It's OK if a hiker wants to carry extra weight in a backpack, but it wasn't near as appealing around his waist. <br />This was in June, so hiking season had just begun and I wasn't in top form myself, but come on, at least my photo was a true depiction. The first third of the climb takes you to the first 'saddle', which is a wide, flat part of the trail where you can rest and take in the view. He needed a long rest to continue to the second 'saddle'. By the time we arrived there, he was so out of breath that he said there was no way he could go the rest of the way up. Well, I wasn't giving up a perfectly good hiking day because he couldn't keep up, so I did the last third without him.<br />Now, fast-forward a couple of weeks to the second date (different guy) at Flat Top. I met him at a coffee shop, and then we proceeded from there. I was driving my son's Wrangler, which, among other things, doesn't have a working gas gauge. We made our way up to the parking lot. Mind you, this guy wasn't packing ANY extra weight. I let him know that I was not in top form, but that I was making great progress toward recovery from 2 recent shoulder surgeries. All I can say about this one is - he practically RAN up that trail. He would stop at the saddles and wait for me, but he must have felt about me, the same way I felt about the previous guy. So, OK, it wasn't going well. We chatted a little on the way back down, and despite leaving me in the dust on the way up, he was very personable and friendly on the way down.<br />We climbed into the Wrangler and began the almost-downhill-all-the-way drive back to the coffee shop. We passed a couple that this guy knew and he said hello to them as we drove by. On the only part of the drive back that was just the smallest bit of an incline, the Wrangler died. I had just put gas in a few days before so I had no idea what was up. He kept saying it sounded like it was out of gas. I was embarrassedly trying to get the thing started when the couple he had said hello to pulled up beside us to ask what was wrong. He told them that it appeared we had run out of gas, and asked them for a ride back to his car. Huh? I was already on the phone talking to my son about a rescue, and I missed most of the final exchange as he jumped out of my car and in with them. Thankfully, my son was on his way.<br />After a few minutes, I turned the key one more time, and surprisingly, got it started and made my way up the remainder of the hill. Just as I reached the downhill side, it died again, but now I had momentum. I coasted down through the curves, made my way down Hillside Drive, and turned onto the main road. There was quite a bit of traffic, and although I could have made it a bit farther, I decided I shouldn't endanger anyone else's life. <br />It was about then that my cell phone rang. It was my date calling to tell me that he had a gas can in his car, had filled it, and was on his way back. I told him my son was on his way, so he said I should call my son and let him know that I didn't need him to come up, then I lost the call. I didn't have the opportunity to tell him that I had coasted most of the hill. I couldn't reach my son either, so I just waited to see who would show up first.<br />My son was the quick one. He put gas in the tank and told me to follow him to the station so he could make sure I made it. We headed down the hill. I had a little bit of an idea what the date had driven, but not a positive ID. I didn't spot him at any point before I reached the gas station. I waved my son off, filled the tank, tried repeatedly to reach the date, and just waited. Finally the phone rings. He's confused that he can't find me on the hill. I explain. He says to wait there so he can come and get some stuff he left in the Wrangler. I wait. He shows up, grabs said stuff, and retreats to his car with a few "don't worry about it"s, and he's off. <br />I saw him on-line later that afternoon. We chatted a little, and he teased me about running out of gas. He also informed me that it was his birthday, and the least I could have done was buy him ice cream. It seemed that everything had worked out OK, and maybe there would be a second date. I would be OK with that.<br />The next day, I went to the dating website and found that he had erased his entire profile. Ouch! Needless to say, there has been no further contact. Oh well!<br />Just in case he ever reads this - he might want to know that my son, his wife, and I deduced that the gas that I had, indeed, put into the tank had been stolen a few days before. My grandson's bike disappeared from the carport, which, on it's own, would be a bit strange. Most likely, someone was in the process of stealing the gasoline and saw the bicycle on the carport and took it as well. Mystery solved.<br />He might also want to know that I have been running every other day for the last 5 months, and that I am in tip-top shape. I could probably race him to the top if I wanted to - which I don't.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-48453496097163172062008-10-29T16:14:00.000-07:002008-10-29T21:32:50.165-07:00Over 40(ish) and datingMan! It's tough out there. When my immediate family decided they were all leaving the state for various reasons, and would be gone for the full month of July (!), I decided I should consider finding friends my own age. After all, the 5, 3, and 2 year-old I normally play with were going to be unavailable. So how do you meet men of a certain age group? Where do they hide? Why, the internet of course! I looked at match.com, eharmony, and yahoo personals. For various reasons, I decided not to use any of the sites. Then I found singlesnet. I saw a few photos I liked, so I went with the one month membership just to test the waters. Hmmmmmm........ Within 3 days, I was calling the office and requesting the money-back guarantee. It seems there are a lot of people on these websites that are NOT who they claim to be. Con artists from South Africa, married men, and the biggest surprise of all - men who lie about their age!!<br /><br />The first 'gentleman' I met claimed to be 56, divorced, and 5'9". As a newbie to this whole experience, I made the mistake of agreeing to let him pick me up for dinner. (I have now learned to meet them for coffee, lunch, or some sort of short duration.) We drove to Girdwood, AK, which is 30-45 minutes away to have dinner at the Double Musky. I have to say that I was a bit suspicious of the the age when I met him (he was 61), but it was also obvious that he was nowhere near 5'9". During dinner, I learned that he and his wife haven't yet filed for divorce. How many lies does a man think he can get away with? It only got worse when I told him I wasn't interested in dating a still-married man. Are you ready for this? He pulled out a business card and handed it to me. I saw a woman's name - and? He told me to turn it over, and on the back was written "Dennis and I have a platonic relationship only. He is free to do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants." It was signed by his wife. I busted out laughing and accused him of writing it himself. He swore he didn't, and said he had provided one for his wife as well, like that made everything so much better.<br />Needless to say, I told him I preferred to just go home. On the way back, he actually reached over and grabbed me while asking "what size are you anyway?" OK! It was a hilarious story to share afterward, but to make it worse, the poor guy actually called me a few days later to ask to do it again. Um, no! <br />That's just the tip of the iceberg on this whole dating thing. I have so many more stories I can share along with some other day to day writings. I'm new at this, but I'll do my best to keep it from getting boring. :)oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-17613211981471844812008-10-24T23:21:00.000-07:002008-10-24T23:53:05.065-07:00New beginningsMy life has been such a roller coaster lately that I never know from one moment to the next what I'll feel. I had a few medical tests today that lifted my spirits. On the first visit I made to this doctor at the end of last year, I was shocked to discover that my weight was 204 lbs. It's amazing how it can sneak up on you. I've been recovering from shoulder injuries/surgeries for almost 5 years, but I've finally reached a good range of motion, and I'm pain-free since my cortisone shot in May. I started the Cool Runnings "from the couch to the 5K" program in June. I was elated today to find that the 50+ lb weight loss has ended my need for cholesterol medication and anti-hypertensives. I felt so good after my dr visit that I dressed for the cold weather, grabbed my ipod, sunglasses, gloves and warm headband and hit the pavement for a 5 mile outing. I ran the first 3 in 28 minutes 36 seconds, walked 1/2 mile, and ran another 1-1/2 miles for good measure. I found a little piece of myself that has been missing for a few years.<br /><br />Losing weight also gave me the courage to think about 'dating' again after almost 10 years of being alone. Oh my! The stories I have to tell about that! But those will wait for another day.<br /><br />Right now, I've discovered someone who takes my breath away, but the distance between us is a huge deterrent. Not to mention that he seems just as 'damaged' by past events as I am. When we get to spend time together, we cook together, go hiking, go running, snuggle up and watch movies, and just enjoy being. The time apart brings difficulty and misunderstandings. I guess the public domain isn't the best place to divulge details on the hardships of a long-distance relationship.<br /><br />It's quiet at night with all the kids in their beds. We got through 3 hours of playing with no fighting and no crying. 9 o'clock snuck up on me before I knew what was happening. We hurried to clean up before mommy got home, but she might catch on when she finds the disaster that is now Jordan's room. OOPS! Sorry Mommy!oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-25138230053938670762008-10-24T23:06:00.000-07:002008-10-24T23:20:19.483-07:00Sad conversationsRachelle, I see you've discovered my blog. It almost embarrasses me that you'll be reading my writing, but I truly need an outlet these days. I just had one of the saddest, yet most uplifting conversations with Jaycob. It was almost like he's just been waiting for the right time to talk to me about Abigayl's death. We said his usual prayer as I was putting him to bed, but when I got up to leave the room, he asked if I am still sad about Abigayl. Of course, that brings tears that I just can't control. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he started crying. I hugged him and he told me that he's so sad about Abigayl that sometimes he wishes he was in heaven too. We had almost a one hour discussion about how happy Abigayl is in heaven, whether she has the fastest wings, how to feel her in our hearts, and how we'll get to see her again when we die. I assured him that he has a long time to live and that we will love each other and laugh a lot. We talked about our spirits and how we get new bodies in heaven. He wanted to know if Goliath would still be a giant. He wanted to know what Abigayl's new body looked like, and where is her old one. I covered that as gently as I could, and I promised that some day he could go to the place where we left her body. We said a prayer and asked Jesus to keep us happy together until we can see Abigayl and Oscar again. He told me he felt happy again, and that he was ready to go to sleep. This is tough ground for a 5 year old, but it seemed like it had been on his mind. I did the best I could, so I hope he knows that it's OK to be sad when he misses her, but it's OK to be happy since he gets to live for a long time. He did make me promise that we would go see Jesus together.oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4479020356837376475.post-27199993787224323612008-10-23T18:39:00.000-07:002008-10-23T18:45:15.138-07:00Getting started<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNs8aYrx4D5XdCgBFu_Gr4PNaIM51FDDtJp0E_3N7K5aarA4kDHl-o3SWs4PYqfa64aUeKuPCxkCJ8XxrJAzdlWGtQNyXiaSdsK1ZYCU-8_Yhx2tfRpxSJHGN6WECFeTD6J0hH47Eg9E8/s1600-h/through+the+window.jpg"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I may as well start with one of the main reasons I came to AK, and will probably never leave. This is the view from my living room window in Spring of 2008. No one has to pay for a view in Alaska. You just have to step outside. </span></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNs8aYrx4D5XdCgBFu_Gr4PNaIM51FDDtJp0E_3N7K5aarA4kDHl-o3SWs4PYqfa64aUeKuPCxkCJ8XxrJAzdlWGtQNyXiaSdsK1ZYCU-8_Yhx2tfRpxSJHGN6WECFeTD6J0hH47Eg9E8/s1600-h/through+the+window.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNs8aYrx4D5XdCgBFu_Gr4PNaIM51FDDtJp0E_3N7K5aarA4kDHl-o3SWs4PYqfa64aUeKuPCxkCJ8XxrJAzdlWGtQNyXiaSdsK1ZYCU-8_Yhx2tfRpxSJHGN6WECFeTD6J0hH47Eg9E8/s320/through+the+window.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5260529487319593586" border="0" /></a>oktoakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08270770130359151904noreply@blogger.com1