A day of family

I greatly enjoy my Saturday "date" with the grandkids. Every once in a while, it gets even better when Mommy or Daddy joins us. Today it was Daddy. He hasn't tagged along in a while, so there were some changes he didn't know about.
Jake greets our waiter by name - "Hi Agrone (?)!" After all, he's seen him 30 or 40 times a year since he was 3. He now gets his own breakfast plate with a pancake, scrambled eggs, and 2 sausages. He doesn't eat his pancake slathered in peanut butter, cut in half, then folded in half, and dipped in a puddle of syrup on his plate. No. He wants it "like Grandma eats it", which means slathered in peanut butter, cut into bite-size pieces, covered with syrup and eaten with a fork. He's a big boy now.
Josh and Jordan still split a breakfast - 1 pancake eaten by hand as described above. Jordan takes all the eggs (plus some of mine), and they each have a sausage. One or the other will usually plunder additional sausage from my plate. That's OK. I don't like sausage, so it's ordered for them anyway.
If everyone cleans their plate, they know they get candy from the machine in the entry. They run to the seats in the lobby and wait patiently while I pay. Jake gets to put the quarter in and turn the dial, but I usually try to catch the candy. One by one, they each hold a coat pocket open for me to drop the candy in, then they can munch it all the way home. Daddy says this ritual is a little strange.
We got to hit Target after breakfast today. Neither of us had much of a shopping list in mind, but the kids had been promised a trip. When we pulled up Joshy said "Yay, we get to eat lunch at Target!" He was disappointed when we pointed out that we had just eaten. Apparently Daddy had promised lunch at Target before realizing that Saturday is Birch Tree day. That boy is an eating machine, and probably would have polished off another meal.
We had a few rounds of hide-and-seek before I headed off to see my friend Sherry. They've become excellent players. They no longer pop out before they're found, though Josh has a habit of hiding in the same place each time. He declared Jordan the "best hider".
The night was topped off at the movies with my son. We hadn't done that in a long time. We saw Blind Side, which was an excellent movie. I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of tears discreetly wiped away at the end, but maybe his eyes were just tired.....
I got an invitation to the Alaska shootout Wednesday night when OU plays Houston. I look forward to another mother/son outing. I've never gone to the game before, so I'm excited. Besides, my son-in-law and my daughter are die-hard OU fans (primarily football), and I'm sure they'll envy the fact that I'll be there.
All in all, a fantastic day. Then I came home to my empty apartment. Played around on the computer, and as I was putting on my jammies, I had an urge to sleep on the couch. I do that once in a while when I know I'm going to have a restless night. There's a problem with that since I quickly realized (duh) I don't have a couch. Maybe I'll work on that tomorrow. After I buy new tires. Hmmmm.....I don't know of any tire stores that sell couches. It will be a busy day.

I fell out of love today

That's a sad title, but unfortunately true.

"Mr Right" came on strong in May. He was somewhat frightening in his pursuit, but it was exciting to feel like someone wanted so badly to be with me. There were a few occasions that were almost stalkerish, but became endearing. Here I stood, the epitome of a commitmentphobe, and yet this guy was so persistent.

Once I realized how wonderful he was, I had a hard time finding a comfortable place in the relationship. I've been self-sufficient for so long that I felt reluctant, or maybe just shy, when he would offer help in the daily struggles of life. He had struggles of his own, and would ask my opinion. I'm not accustomed to having someone turn to me for help. We had fantastically long conversations. I probably spoke more words to him in the first month than I have uttered to any one person in the last 3 years. He was an open book, and I found myself becoming the same. It was so flattering when at the end of the evening, I would have to pry him out the door. I actually had to declare a curfew so that I could get to bed at a decent hour. Yet day after day for the first 3 months, he was always there. There with/for coffee in the morning. There with/for dinner in the evening. And I never grew tired of his company.

I've been a loner for most of my life. I lived for and through my children, and I loved every minute of it. Of course, they're independent adults with kids of their own. It's about time I find friends in my own age bracket. And yes, the idea of finally settling down with a man has its appeal. This relationship was so unlike any I had experienced before. What could go wrong?

And then one day he didn't call. Without explanation. 2 weeks went by. And then 3. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong. It had to be my fault.

And then the texts started. "I want early morning coffee and late night movies." Seeing those words caused a physical pain in my heart, and I jumped at the chance. It wasn't the same. He was distant. He didn't say he loved me. Unless I said it first. Which I did. Over and over, hoping that it would jar something in him and bring back what we had.

And then one day he didn't call. Once again, without explanation. 2 weeks went by before I once again read "I want early morning coffee and late night movies."

I went to the movie. We have a dinner here and there. Neither of us says "I love you". I spent time today examining my feelings and found numbness. The man I met has never returned. The man I spend time with here and there is pleasant enough, but I don't love him. Maybe because he doesn't love me. I don't know where that man I loved went. I miss him. I miss loving. But most of all, I miss being loved.