Friday, October 24, 2008

Sad conversations

Rachelle, I see you've discovered my blog. It almost embarrasses me that you'll be reading my writing, but I truly need an outlet these days. I just had one of the saddest, yet most uplifting conversations with Jaycob. It was almost like he's just been waiting for the right time to talk to me about Abigayl's death. We said his usual prayer as I was putting him to bed, but when I got up to leave the room, he asked if I am still sad about Abigayl. Of course, that brings tears that I just can't control. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he started crying. I hugged him and he told me that he's so sad about Abigayl that sometimes he wishes he was in heaven too. We had almost a one hour discussion about how happy Abigayl is in heaven, whether she has the fastest wings, how to feel her in our hearts, and how we'll get to see her again when we die. I assured him that he has a long time to live and that we will love each other and laugh a lot. We talked about our spirits and how we get new bodies in heaven. He wanted to know if Goliath would still be a giant. He wanted to know what Abigayl's new body looked like, and where is her old one. I covered that as gently as I could, and I promised that some day he could go to the place where we left her body. We said a prayer and asked Jesus to keep us happy together until we can see Abigayl and Oscar again. He told me he felt happy again, and that he was ready to go to sleep. This is tough ground for a 5 year old, but it seemed like it had been on his mind. I did the best I could, so I hope he knows that it's OK to be sad when he misses her, but it's OK to be happy since he gets to live for a long time. He did make me promise that we would go see Jesus together.

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