Over 40(ish) and dating

Man! It's tough out there. When my immediate family decided they were all leaving the state for various reasons, and would be gone for the full month of July (!), I decided I should consider finding friends my own age. After all, the 5, 3, and 2 year-old I normally play with were going to be unavailable. So how do you meet men of a certain age group? Where do they hide? Why, the internet of course! I looked at match.com, eharmony, and yahoo personals. For various reasons, I decided not to use any of the sites. Then I found singlesnet. I saw a few photos I liked, so I went with the one month membership just to test the waters. Hmmmmmm........ Within 3 days, I was calling the office and requesting the money-back guarantee. It seems there are a lot of people on these websites that are NOT who they claim to be. Con artists from South Africa, married men, and the biggest surprise of all - men who lie about their age!!

The first 'gentleman' I met claimed to be 56, divorced, and 5'9". As a newbie to this whole experience, I made the mistake of agreeing to let him pick me up for dinner. (I have now learned to meet them for coffee, lunch, or some sort of short duration.) We drove to Girdwood, AK, which is 30-45 minutes away to have dinner at the Double Musky. I have to say that I was a bit suspicious of the the age when I met him (he was 61), but it was also obvious that he was nowhere near 5'9". During dinner, I learned that he and his wife haven't yet filed for divorce. How many lies does a man think he can get away with? It only got worse when I told him I wasn't interested in dating a still-married man. Are you ready for this? He pulled out a business card and handed it to me. I saw a woman's name - and? He told me to turn it over, and on the back was written "Dennis and I have a platonic relationship only. He is free to do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants." It was signed by his wife. I busted out laughing and accused him of writing it himself. He swore he didn't, and said he had provided one for his wife as well, like that made everything so much better.
Needless to say, I told him I preferred to just go home. On the way back, he actually reached over and grabbed me while asking "what size are you anyway?" OK! It was a hilarious story to share afterward, but to make it worse, the poor guy actually called me a few days later to ask to do it again. Um, no!
That's just the tip of the iceberg on this whole dating thing. I have so many more stories I can share along with some other day to day writings. I'm new at this, but I'll do my best to keep it from getting boring. :)

New beginnings

My life has been such a roller coaster lately that I never know from one moment to the next what I'll feel. I had a few medical tests today that lifted my spirits. On the first visit I made to this doctor at the end of last year, I was shocked to discover that my weight was 204 lbs. It's amazing how it can sneak up on you. I've been recovering from shoulder injuries/surgeries for almost 5 years, but I've finally reached a good range of motion, and I'm pain-free since my cortisone shot in May. I started the Cool Runnings "from the couch to the 5K" program in June. I was elated today to find that the 50+ lb weight loss has ended my need for cholesterol medication and anti-hypertensives. I felt so good after my dr visit that I dressed for the cold weather, grabbed my ipod, sunglasses, gloves and warm headband and hit the pavement for a 5 mile outing. I ran the first 3 in 28 minutes 36 seconds, walked 1/2 mile, and ran another 1-1/2 miles for good measure. I found a little piece of myself that has been missing for a few years.

Losing weight also gave me the courage to think about 'dating' again after almost 10 years of being alone. Oh my! The stories I have to tell about that! But those will wait for another day.

Right now, I've discovered someone who takes my breath away, but the distance between us is a huge deterrent. Not to mention that he seems just as 'damaged' by past events as I am. When we get to spend time together, we cook together, go hiking, go running, snuggle up and watch movies, and just enjoy being. The time apart brings difficulty and misunderstandings. I guess the public domain isn't the best place to divulge details on the hardships of a long-distance relationship.

It's quiet at night with all the kids in their beds. We got through 3 hours of playing with no fighting and no crying. 9 o'clock snuck up on me before I knew what was happening. We hurried to clean up before mommy got home, but she might catch on when she finds the disaster that is now Jordan's room. OOPS! Sorry Mommy!

Sad conversations

Rachelle, I see you've discovered my blog. It almost embarrasses me that you'll be reading my writing, but I truly need an outlet these days. I just had one of the saddest, yet most uplifting conversations with Jaycob. It was almost like he's just been waiting for the right time to talk to me about Abigayl's death. We said his usual prayer as I was putting him to bed, but when I got up to leave the room, he asked if I am still sad about Abigayl. Of course, that brings tears that I just can't control. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he started crying. I hugged him and he told me that he's so sad about Abigayl that sometimes he wishes he was in heaven too. We had almost a one hour discussion about how happy Abigayl is in heaven, whether she has the fastest wings, how to feel her in our hearts, and how we'll get to see her again when we die. I assured him that he has a long time to live and that we will love each other and laugh a lot. We talked about our spirits and how we get new bodies in heaven. He wanted to know if Goliath would still be a giant. He wanted to know what Abigayl's new body looked like, and where is her old one. I covered that as gently as I could, and I promised that some day he could go to the place where we left her body. We said a prayer and asked Jesus to keep us happy together until we can see Abigayl and Oscar again. He told me he felt happy again, and that he was ready to go to sleep. This is tough ground for a 5 year old, but it seemed like it had been on his mind. I did the best I could, so I hope he knows that it's OK to be sad when he misses her, but it's OK to be happy since he gets to live for a long time. He did make me promise that we would go see Jesus together.

Getting started

I may as well start with one of the main reasons I came to AK, and will probably never leave. This is the view from my living room window in Spring of 2008. No one has to pay for a view in Alaska. You just have to step outside.